I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
