Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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