It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Acid is not a monday night drug
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
