oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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