so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
