Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Randomize
