I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
