I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
