when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
