Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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