just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
