They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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