cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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