woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
