Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
