omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize