My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
