dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
