he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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