We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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