made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
