I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
