There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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