We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
