I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
