You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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