it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
