I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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