dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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