Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
