Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
