Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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