I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
