I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When are your genitals available?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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