There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
