theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
