i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
