Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
