A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
