just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
smell my finger.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
