people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
