that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
