I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
