I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
