It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
