...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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