Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
