meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
