I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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