I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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