my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
