Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
