wrigley field is MILF paradise
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
